I met Shinzan Roshi a few times. He was every inch what I imagined a Zen Roshi to be like. He was sort of terrifying, childlike and unpredictable. What was so terrifying about being yourself though? Well, something about that was, apparently, to me.
Daizan interviewed Shinzan for the Zenways Youtube channel and I was sat behind the camera watching at the time. I remember thinking how different they were. It was interesting to me how Shinzan could have produced Daizan. At that time, I was still very much mimicking those I wanted to learn from and be like. We all do it with our parents, right? Yet in this case, Shinzan had helped to train a man to be unlike him. Daizan seemed safe, not terrifying, and also responsible in a way that Shinzan didn’t, but there didn’t seem to be any friction between the two despite the differences.
This would all make sense to me later and my projections, perhaps obvious to whoever is reading this, would also become apparent to me eventually. They also proved to be very similar because they both carry the mark of people who deeply know who they are. With Shinzan, as I think back about it, it’s almost more impressive because to be a person like Shinzan must not be easy in this world. He had this whirling, chaotic spirit. He loved wild dogs and wild men and his fidelity to himself – his fidelity to what must be done – in spite of the consequences (like being divorced or excommunicated) was incredible.
The last time I saw him, his mind was slipping away. He’d talk to us in these loops, making his way to the end of a phrase that he’d probably said hundreds of times before and then looping back to the beginning unawares and starting over. He could do it for ages before someone would have to gently intervene. It was like he was sacrificing his body to help us. There was no fear in his eyes at all.
Meeting Shinzan Roshi by Edward Evans
