Truth Seeker
In December 2014 I went to a beautiful retreat centre in rural Dorset to train as a Zen Meditation and Mindfulness teacher on a week-long residential retreat. Little did I know then that this would change the direction of my life and influence not only the way I teach, but my perspective on life, living, thinking and being in the world.
At the time my daughter was just 7 years old, she was taking part in a pantomime at the local theatre, and I was leaving her with her dad and visiting grandparents to head off for this training course and spend New Year with people I had never met before.
I hadn’t planned to do this initially, as I was booked on a training course in November with a different teacher, however this had been cancelled and I was transferred to a new date with a new teacher, so although this meant leaving my family behind at New Year, I knew it was something I really wanted to do.
I had turned 40 in August, and I really wanted to learn something positive to help transform my life and share this with others. I was struggling with anxiety and needed help in finding ways to deal with this, learning mindfulness seemed a good way to discover some positive steps forwards. I had already trained in Hatha Yoga, completed a Meditation Teacher training course and started learning Tibetan Buddhist Meditation, so this felt like a great progression to help me even further along this path.
This wasn’t an easy thing to do with anxiety causing panic attacks, over thinking, fear and insomnia, how would I stay in an unknown location, try and sleep, learn and cope with the wave of emotions? I did struggle at times, but it also opened my heart, connected me with others and took me in a whole new direction that I hadn’t even contemplated before.
The training itself was amazing, the structure of the course, the time spent in silence, in meditation, in learning together, in teaching new skills together was just a wonderful heart-warming experience. Doing all this in an amazing space, with an open fire, nourishing food and beautiful light filled sculptures filling the rooms truly lifted my heart. However, the transformation came because of my teacher and a ceremony that took place at midnight on New Years eve.
Daizan is a highly experienced Zen monk with years of experience, who shared his knowledge and understanding so beautifully, but he also showed me great compassion, helping me and guiding me to be a better person and teacher. He listened to and supported me and showed us all how to be in the world. His calm and patient manner and constant guidance throughout the training inspired and uplifted me.
Then on New Year’s Eve, something amazing happened, Daizan offered a precept ceremony for one of the students on the course and I sat there watching this commitment to the Buddhist path, feeling a sense of awe at this process and wonder at the feelings of connection. My heart burst open, and I felt as if the room was filled with Buddha’s offering their blessings, the clock struck midnight, fireworks began and my journey to discover the Buddhist path had begun.