Two and half years ago I found zen or maybe zen found me.
I have been practicing meditation for around 15 years and in the 12 steps fellowship of Alanon for 17.
Zen arrived at a time of crisis in my life and felt like the natural evolution and deepening of my spiritual path, it felt like the home I have been looking for a very long time.
So what moved me to take the precepts?
I could’ve very well carried on with a committed and sincere practice following the path without formally taking them.
In fact my head was giving me all kinds of reasons not to.
“You are not good enough, this isn’t for you”, “What if you fail”, “can you really trust it/them/me?”, “are you really sure?” And on and on…
But beneath all this voices was a single, clear, calm, centred and confident voice which spoke from a space that felt both very intimate and larger than life, a buoyancy in my guts.
Engage fully, don’t tiptoe around it, it is an engagement, commitment, a vow with myself for myself, yet not a selfish one, it is very much turned towards others, my connection with people, how I inhabit my place in the world, who do I want to be while I am alive.
After the ceremony I felt really touched in a way I wasn’t expecting.
I have this brand new Rakusu, I have to get used to wearing it, my head still feels some hesitation, imposter syndrome, I hold this thoughts with gentleness and compassion, until their voices become like a murmur and then one day perhaps disappear all together.
Keep noticing, keep returning to the practice again and again, the precepts as my guiding light.
Engage with the Buddha, engage with the Dharma, engage with the Sangha.
Cécile/Shoshin